What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
You smell like stripper and shame
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
