You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize