Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
