im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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