They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Randomize
