You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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