i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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