tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize