All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
