I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
We're too hungover to prance.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
