I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
