Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
