and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
