He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
