That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
