me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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