Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
