His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I touched a dick in church today
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
