that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
