yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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