She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
