she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
