haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
