We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize