Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
