Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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