how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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