Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
