I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
