I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he thought i was a dude.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize