Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
