Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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