Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
