I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
