remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
