If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize