My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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