im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
this will be a night to untag.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
