Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
