I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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