Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
