Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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