I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
