your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
