Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
