next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
