Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
