Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
