i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
