Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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