So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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