Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
