Got a toothbrush?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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