I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
