there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
