Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
