I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She's like a pop up book from hell.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
