i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
being pregnant is like rehab
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
