You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
