Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
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