im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
