Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
