You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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