His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
how drunk are you?
Several
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
