You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
