If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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