ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
