And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
