The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
