On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
