Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
