It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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