At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
