My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize