I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
