i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
