the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize