Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
