I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He passed out mid-signature
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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