Pants 0. Shit 1.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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