can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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