Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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